Ending a relationship is hard, whether it was your decision or the other person’s decision. You may be dealing with painful emotions and want to deal with those feelings as quickly as possible. There are several ways that you can work through your painful emotions and start to move on, such as writing about your feelings, allowing yourself to grieve, and being cautious about rebound relationships. Keep in mind that getting over a breakup takes time and patience. If things don’t seem to get better with time, remember that you can always turn to friends, family, or even a mental health professional for support.
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- 1Reflect on your relationship.Consider all of the reasons that you and your ex broke up. Try to keep in mind that even if that you enjoyed being together for a while, something was not working. Thinking about the reasons why the relationship ended can help you understand why you need to move on. You may also be able to avoid making the same mistakes in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship. Ask yourself some of the following questions:[1]
- Did I contribute to the end of the relationship? If so, what did I do?
- Do I tend to choose the same sort of people to date? If so, what are they like? Are they good for me? Why or why not?
- Have I had similar problems in other relationships? If so, what is causing me to have these problems? What can I do differently in future relationships?
- 2Write about your feelings. Write in a journal or try writing poems. The most important thing is to be honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to understand valuable life lessons from the whole experience.
- Try writing down your feelings every day after your breakup until you feel better. For example, you could start each of your journal entries with “It has been __ days since we broke up and I feel _____” Then go into more detail about how you are feeling. Using this prompt will help you to see the progress of your emotions over time and process some of those emotions as well.[2]
- Try writing a letter to your ex, but do not send it. Sometimes it just helps to get all of your feelings out. However, sending it is not a good idea. This letter is just for you, so write out everything you wish you could have said and be done with it. It doesn't do any good to rehash the breakup over and over again, so just pretend you are telling them how you feel for the last time.
- Try writing a story. Think back to when your relationship with this person began, and document it from beginning to end. This may be very painful, but it will give you a broader perspective. When you get to the final chapter, finish off on a positive note and write "The End".
- 3Deal with your anger. Feelings of anger occur when we feel we have been wronged or there has been unfair treatment. In a situation where you will not contact your ex-partner, the best way to deal with anger alone is to relax[3].
- Take deep breaths and focus on allowing your muscles to voluntarily relax[4]. Soft music can often help.
- 4Stand by your decision. If the breakup was your decision, keep in mind that focusing on the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second-guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours. It's very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship and convince yourself that the bad parts weren't so bad after all. Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.
- 5Remind yourself of your ex’s negative traits. Focusing on all of the things that you don’t like about your ex can help you to get over the breakup faster. Try making a list of all of the things your ex did that you did not like. For example, maybe your ex often burped loudly after dinner, or made plans without you, or forgot your birthday. List every little thing that bothered you about your ex.[5]
- 6Consider the reasons why you are better off without your ex. In addition to reminding yourself of everything that bothered you about your ex, you can also benefit from thinking about the positives to your breakup. Make another list of all of the reasons why you are better off without your ex.[6]
- For example, maybe your ex discouraged your efforts to eat healthy, so now you feel more empowered to follow a healthy diet and take better care of yourself. Or maybe your ex never wanted to do any of the things that you wanted to do, so now you have the freedom to do all of those things. List all of the reasons why you are better off without your ex.
